My Family

On our morning walk this morning, I came upon a topic I wanted to blog about, and then life happened.  We got back to the house and found our youngest cat dead. He looked like he fell asleep and didn’t wake up. Who knows what happened. We live in the country and there are many things that can kill a cat. Of course, I was very sad, a normal response to a pet’s death.

As the day went on, I was able to look at my own reaction and was pleased to find I was having a different response than I had when all of my other pets had died. Before this time, my reaction has been to be really angry at the world and questioned why was this happening to me, as though it was personal.  I have lost 4 other cats in the last 8 years and was feeling like to world was out to get me by killing my cats.

I think I reacted that way for several reasons. Being so hurt as a child made me think I deserve certain things regardless of any logic or effort. Also, as a child, the only close relationship I had was with my cats. They provided me with comfort, and companionship that none of my family members ever did. I slept with them, dressed them up, cuddled with them, and loved them like I wanted to be loved.

I see that losing a cat has been so traumatic for me over the years because they were my family members as a child, not the people in my house. They were there for me whenever I needed someone and there wasn’t anyone around. 

I will really miss my little Leonardo. But this time I am happy for the time I got with him. I am not angry just sad.