Monday, October 13, 2014

What I've Been Up To

Hello fellow humans. :)

So about five weeks ago, I started working on putting my life history together from ages six to fourteen. I searched through all the pictures I have from my childhood, which is a lot, and have been trying to put them in order. It has been very weird to try to put things together and see myself throughout the years. I am finding that I don't actually remember much about from ages 8ish to 11ish. Yet, I have had emotional reactions to many of the pictures, regardless of whether I actually remember the incident in the picture.

Then it occurs to me that memories are very subjective because they are filled with emotions. It is bizarre to look back at so many years and have so many questions about whether what I thought was happening was really happening. Like looking back at times I actually remember when I was really mad. After reexamining some of those memories, I can see that I was not that mad at the incident in the photo; I was really upset about what was happening in my family.

This lead me to reconsider how I had remembered and taken so many things in my life, a process which is still happening and I suspect will continue to happen for a long time. This is seemingly and hopefully a path to clarity about my reality and my perception.

I have struggled with depression since I was 7 or 8 yet I actually feel like I might just be at the beginning of the end of that kind of life. Yes very optimistic and very hopeful. But I am not stressing nor do I intend think I am all "fixed." This can be the beginning of a life where I am learning how to see who I am and what is real and what is important.

I hope all you fantastic readers are in good spirits.  Thank you for stopping by and reading my thoughts. I would love to hear what's up in your world!!